The Iron Samurai, the watch that started it all. Then came the Ice Samurai. Like bottled blood rage best served cold. Next was the Iron Geisha, because beauty is indeed a cruel mistress. And just when we all believed that the heights of power had indeed been scaled, comes a timepiece to dwarf everything that has come before it and shadow everything yet to be seen. His name is...wait, if it is your habit human to read words aloud please discontinue immediately for to speak its name aloud would bring about misfortunate of unfathomable epicness...The Gold Samurai. Yes, indeed. Bow. Now. And while bowing, you do well to quiver. Yes. Bow and quiver. Like an arrow.
Encircle your wrist with the Gold Samurai if you dare, a timepiece from Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch alternate reality universe, which gives its wearer both omniscience AND omnipotence in such an unexpected way that it will literally blow your mind!
You mean this watch really tells time? HAHAHAHAHA foolish mortal,
this watch not only tells time, it tells Time what to do! All the Immortals such as Time, Death, and Beauty are its servants. Coelescing Dark Matter design with Super String style articulated through pavoninus colored LED numerals and iso-auric casing, it's look calls to mind the exodus of the two remaining inhabitants of planet Gensis: Evo and his wife Adma. The two crewman boarded a ship and hyperjumped across multiple timeverses to escape the Gold Samurai-led scourge in its quest for total universal domination. But I disgress dear reader...yes this watch will tell you when your 30 minutes on the treadmill are up.
Tap the top button on the right side of the timepiece and watch the screen light up like the heavens when your beef with the Gods will be bottled no more! Tap the bottom button to make the numbers blink and hence adjust them. In Time mode, the top row represents hour information, while the bottom row represents minutes information. In date mode, top and bottom represent month and day.
(Another artifact that promises omniscience and omnipotence?! How trite.) Hush your mouth mere mortal for you know not what forces you insult with your puny intelligence. The tale of the Gold Samurai is only known to two individuals. One is the current Architect of the Matrix, as told to him by his father before him. The other is Meina Gladstone (Google please).
The tale begins...
The parable of The Matrix, though portraying the struggle of Machine vs Man, was really about a battle of supreme intelligences as documented in Dan Simmon's Hyperion Cantos. In the HC books, we read of the battle between The Technocore (an Artificial Intelligence Consortium) and their battle with an even greater non-machine intelligence which lives in the Void, aptly referred to as the "Lions and Tigers and Bears" (think Borg vs Species 8472).
In their attempt to defeat the LTB (once again, Lions, Tigers, Bears, not to be confused with BLT which stands for Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato), the Technocore assigned their chief reality engineer Dr. Helmut Bakaitis (whose grandson would become the first Matrix architect) to begin work on an Ultimate Intelligence.
Dr. Bakaitis' work involved creating separate layers of reality, realities within realities if you will, where the laws of physics are rendered baseless. It is during one such an experiment involving a reality within a reality within a reality, the Sucker Punch alternative reality of Giant Samurai Robots came to life. And with it, the most powerfully destructive being came into being: The Gold Samurai. With the broad sweep of his golden sword, the Gold Samurai was able to disembowel realities from within and within a nanosecond he was unleashed into our world.
That's when the world domination activities began. The first thing The Gold Samurai did was destroy his creators and then he went on the destroy the LTB and then anything and everything that stood in its way. Fast forward several hundred years, Evo and Adma escaped to what is now Earth with a very important device that prevents the Gold Samurai from ever finding Earth: his golden sword in watch form stolen from the dark lord while he was meditating.
Now it is in your hands mere mortal.
World Galaxian champion Aart van Vliet is said to be a Gold Samurai owner, as is legendary emcee Rakim. In reality this watch is perfect for all true members of Anonymous and anyone who is a somebody. Brought to you by the leader in direct from China wholesale electronics - Chinavasion.
At a Glance... - Pavoninus colored LED's
- Time and Date function
- Top row for hours display
- Bottom row for minutes display
- Normally sells for around USD200!
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